Ichigo's Depression
by AnimeFreak134
Summary: <html><head></head>My own little version of how Ichigo felt when the events of Bleach Manga 423 occured.</html>


**Okay So I made this lil OneShot about Ichigo and Rukia _(What a shcoker) _and I really think it stinks, but I hope you enjoy it annways!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't Ichigo or Rukia...they belong to Tite Kubo and his wonderfulness!**

**WARNING: If you're new to Bleach or aren't caught up to Bleach Manga Chapter 423 this has spoilers! Well only the beginning but anyway they are STILL spoilers!**

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><p><em>Rukia was standing in front of the overly tall Ichigo as they looked at each other with sad eyes. They were both suffering greatly. Violet orbs gazing into amber orbs – both filled with great loss. These were their last moments together.<em>

"_Bye, Rukia." Ichigo said with a sad voice._

_Rukia looked at the ground as she started to disintegrate into the air._

_Ichigo's hands started to shake as she totally disappeared from his view. She, of course, was still there but Ichigo could not see her. His Shinigami powers were now totally gone – forever until he died._

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><p>Ichigo gazed at the spot where <em>she <em>had stood exactly two years ago.

Ichigo had been in depression since then. Every one of his friends could see that he was different.

His eyes no longer held that spark of life. His hair was uncharacteristically limp and it had lost its shine. Whenever he walked he was slouched over – as if he never got any sleep. There were bags under his eyes – further proof that he had not been getting enough sleep. The most noticeable thing about Ichigo was that his face didn't hold his scowl. No longer did he wear it, for now he always wore a very lost and sad look – as if he had lost something so dear to him. Which he did.

Ichigo had been suffering through the past few years of his life. Ever since the night _she _had left, Ichigo had been having the worst of nightmares. His soul was lost and lonely – his no longer existent inner world would have been flooded by the rain.

He no longer paid any attention in school. He would sit at his desk all day with the most pitiful look on his face as he thought about everything but _her. _Each thought about _her _would send a stabbing pain to his heart.

_Why couldn't I have told her something that day?_

Stab…

_I should have told her how I felt! I was so stupid!_

The pain…

_I should have hugged her or done something to at least make her come back to visit me!_

It hurts…

_Why did you leave me here? Without you I cannot be _me.

I'm lonely…

_Rukia…_

It's unbearable!

_I love you._

Air is stinging his eyes. He holds back the tears as he lies on his bed. He gets up and walks over to the closet where _she _had once slept and lived. Ichigo opened the doors – _her s_cent was still there even though it had been so long since she had left. He buried his face into _her _pillow as he took in the scent.

Ichigo puts down the pillow and stands up. Walking over to the window Ichigo can feel a single tear run down his cheek. He had been trying so hard for so long to conceal his emotions to everyone, except when he was alone, nothing could hold back the agony and tears.

He had lost the one most dear to him, but even now he would never admit to it.

Thoughts would hurt him severely, except they were harmless compared to his dreams. In his dreams he had visions of his past with _her. _Such things as when he first met her, or when he had saved her from execution. His favorite of his memories was when he had hugged her. He had just defeated the Dark version of Rukia and he had held her close in a one arm hug.

A simple memory of a one armed hug. That was it. No kiss, no tender embrace; just that simple hug was his best memory. Even though it was simple it hurt the most, for it brought thoughts to Ichigo's mind.

_Why couldn't I tell her?_

_Would she have stayed if I had told her how much she meant to me?_

_If I would have thought would I have not lost my Shinigami powers and have been able to keep Rukia with me?_

_Why hasn't she visited? She can get a gigai from Urahara can't she? Does she not feel the same way?_

_Will I ever see her again?_

Ichigo lies on his bed – tears running down his face – as he thinks about what once was and what could have been.

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><p>Rukia looks at <em>him <em>from the window. She crouches on the windowsill as she sobs into her hands.

He looks so….so broken. He's _actually _crying.

Rukia can feel his pain. She can see him whenever she wants – even in a gigai – but she has been too cowardly to do so.

_Would he hate me?_

_Would he yell at me and blame me for what he is going through?_

_Should I have told him about how I had felt and how I do feel? _

She jumps down from the window quietly and walks over to the side of _his _bed. He had fallen asleep, but even in sleep he looked so sad.

Rukia gently laid a hand on his cheek. Rukia had a sad smile on her face as Ichigo – in his sleep – seemed to relax at her touch.

She stayed there for hours – her head on her crossed arms which were on the top edge of Ichigo's bed. She was kneeling beside the bed and holding his large hand in hers.

Out of nowhere Ichigo sat up in bed, and it cause Rukia to jump back – hitting the desk chair.

Ichigo looked over with wide eyes.

"R-Rukia? I-is that you?" There was a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"Yes! I'm here, you baka!" Rukia sobbed.

Ichigo looked around when he heard a whisper so silent that if there had been any noise it would have been missed. Ichigo let out the breath he had been holding in.

"Rukia!" Ichigo said with relief evident in his voice. His gaze settled on the very subtle blur sitting on the floor by his desk chair.

Rukia got up and rushed into his unsuspecting arms. She was sobbing into his chest.

Ichigo wrapped his arms around her small, and invisible, form. "I missed you so much!" Ichigo said through the lump in his throat and the tears that had started to fall from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Ichigo!" Rukia was sobbing. "I missed you so much, but I was too afraid to visit you! I didn't know if you would be mad at me!"

"Baka, why would I be mad at you? I have been through Hell without you!"

Rukia looked up at his face with tear filled eyes. "Ichigo…"

"Rukia, I wish I could see you fully right now, but all I can see is a slight blur in the air. I can barely hear you, but I know you're crying, so please stop. It hurts to know you are crying. I miss you - your beautiful violet eyes, your small form, your cute nose, even your stupid drawings. Rukia I-I love you a-and I just want you back." Ichigo let out all his feelings as he held her closely as tears of happiness fell down his cheeks.

Her eyes were filled with tears as well. "I love you too Ichigo. I have missed you so much. I have been watching over you for the past few months and it hurt me dearly to see you in such pain. I-I just want everything to go back to the way it was – before you lost your powers." The words barely reached Ichigo's ears, but they did.

Rukia pulled back just enough to see his face. Ichigo took his hands and placed them on her cheeks. He rubbed away some of her tears with his thumb. Rukia looked deeply into Ichigo's amber eyes – he couldn't see her face and it seemed to be hurting him.

She stood up on her toes and let her lips touch his. Ichigo was stunned at first, but then he melted into the kiss.

"I've missed you Rukia, and I hope that you can come again."

"I know, I've missed you too. I'll try harder to come here again to see you." Rukia's hand rested on Ichigo's cheek.

"I don't know how, but I'm going to make sure that we can be together again."

They both smiled as they embraced each other while they shed tears of joy.

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><p><strong>AN: Ahh! Another sucky story put up and finished! I hope you liked my horrible writing! I mean I love the plot but I am NOT proud of the way this turned out...Well review please! ~AF134**


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